Friends

I appreciate those friends where you don't always have to be the first to say hello. Those who seem to want to keep in touch and do. :-)

That is all.

Song: Jason Derulo - In my head

They might say hi, and I might say hey

Beautiful girls, all over the world,

I could be chasing, but my time would be wasted,

They got nothin' on you baby, Nothin' on you baby

This is not my outing. I am not gay(haha the irony of this comment given recent events). But it is an amazing song that makes me smile and want to dance every time I hear it. It makes me change my mood!

I have realised I seem to blog when I am down, and even though I am down today I am going to change my mood through this blog by only blogging about positive things in my life now.

Top 10 things that make me happy.

1. Family and Friends <3

2. Travelling

3. Music

4. Driving

5. Concerts

6. Being at work (having friends to talk to, or combining music and friends)

7. Films/series

8.Icecream and chocolate

9. Walking with a friend/Having Company

10. (Possibly up there with number 1) Receiving a text message that makes you smile :)

When I can't travel or come back from travelling, at first I am really happy and then after a while I get down because I am back to the same old same old.

Top ten reasons why I get unhappy

1) Friends and Family

2) When someone cancels on me/let's me down/goes back on a promise

3) Being on my own
4) Uni work

5) Not being in a relationship/ being loved

6) Something upsetting friends and family

7) Bad days

8) Stress

9) The Past

10) Not knowing what the future holds

What I enjoy most in life

making lists :) haha. Learning, living and experiancing new things. Being told how much I am loved, being in love. Hugs <3>

again blogging has cheered me up :) I have realised the reasons I have been down and will try and change these. :D One day I will blog about my visit to africa. :D

For now, goodbye haha.

Songs of the day: Bob - Nothin' On You

K'NANN- Wavin' Flag

Mood of day Up down down down Up :D xxxxxx

To mention but a few things

Well, it seems like I haven't really had time to blog. But given my current mood, I think I will make an exception. First things first, I went to Africa. Well, the Gambia to be precise. (Of which I will make a dedicated blog too as there are so many things in which I need to tell you). By you, I am not exactly sure who I am talking to seen as I only write here to off load things that are on my mind.

Right now I am a little down, I dunno why really. I guess its that my body just needs a downer after the long sprint of happiness since my vacation. Gambia is good for me, it made me change, made me happy as a person, turn back into my old self. Made me feel well wonderful again. I found myself again, and now I hold the fear that I may loose this again.

University means change, and I don't always appreciate change. I miss the person I was. I feel more cold hearted at Uni. Sometimes I still feel like I don't fit in. I mean I know I do. But have you ever felt like an outsider?

Next thing is that I hate being alone. I guess that's the thing I loved about Africa. I never for one second of the day was alone. I went with my best friend. And we made so many good friends out there.

I wish I could go travelling with a group of my friends. Both University friends and school friends, separately of course. But in a group. I wish people didn't always have excuses :(

Next thing I guess is exams, there are always exams at Uni, but in particular exams at this time of the year are the worst. They are the final exams that somehow are crammed into a pathetic couple of weeks and work like most of your course. Damn it.

Also there is a guy I like. Enough said.

One question to leave you with though. How come I set standards so high. And how come I can never get the guys I want. Or really hot guys. haa.

Song of the day:The Midnight Beast – Tik Tok (Parody)

Quote of the day:

Claire Blackburn thinks Mr Clarke is playing dirty, prison style

7 hours ago · Comment ·

Matthew Clarke

i will shank u claire oh yes

Mood of the day: :) but now ;(

Food of the day: Matt's bbq chicken with lovely posh vegetables.

xxx

sinking not swimming

I'm sinking and just feel like screaming as loud as possible from the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that's a little better.

Hmmm... Different

Hipperholmes - Cheyanne, Holly, Me, Phil in front, Kyle behind and Closey to the Left

The Hipperholmers in this one are Holly, Sinead, Cheyanne and me

Gemma took this when I came back drunk and she kept saying I had a cheesy smile. Its at like 5 in the morning so I do not remember this one being taken! Just got back from the night out and I had be rambling for ages.

Below Me and Cheyanne. She was my best friend from home

Everyone says I look different now. I mean I know I put on weight at Uni around my face, which I intend to do something about but I've also cut my hair. And these are the pics I took of it to show mum, before Iwent for a night out. See what you think....

Oh and one of my old friends have had a baby :O she has a house of her own with her boyfriend and a car. The baby's cute a baby boy 3 weeks early, she had to have a caeserean due to the placenta having stopped feeding the baby.

They are both doing fine now, saw them last Friday, shocker as I didn't know she was pregnant. Things you miss out on when your at uni.

xx

3am again

It's just past 3am and still I am not asleep. This is like the 4th night running :( and it's all because of exam worry.

Best is I have no energy to concentrate on revision either so I waste about 4hours anight doing nothing! Its ridiculous.

I am really behind and stuck with revision now.

I really want to pass this one.
:(

xx

R.I.P

Last Wednesday, was a day 6 years ago that I will never forget.

It was the day I would never see my best friend ever again.

The thing is, I feel as though I could have done more. I should have done more. We were meant to hang out that week. But a change of family plans meant I went away to the caravan. We exchanged texts that weekend. And I will always remember, my friends at the caravan snatched my phone off me and texted him. So i grabbed it back. And sent " Sorry it was my friends. Text you later, Love Claire x"

Little did I realise that was the last text off me he would receive. I text him the following day, no reply. So I thought I would wait for him to text me back. I never will forget that day. You see people believed we wasn't as close as what we were. Outside of school, on the way to and from school we hung out. At the beginning of registration and end of lunch was prank time. This is where he would play a prank on whoever was unfortunate that day. I remember once he glued our Form tutor chair and he sat on it! haha.

Anyways, I went home and was walking my dog. My neighbour was sat on the step and said hello to me. On the way back she collared me.

"Hey Claire, Do you know anyone called Matthew Ringrose?"

I replied yes. She went on to ask his middle name to which I replied Ian David. She said I have something for you to read in the paper. I must have looked puzzled as I could think of no reason for him to be in the paper. I mean he was extremely mischievous. I looked at Jack, he face displayed mixed emotions. Shock, upset, and annoyance.

I read the following;

BOY, 13, FOUND HANGED

A family is in mourning after a 13-year-old boy was found hanged at his grandparents' house.

An inquest was opened and adjourned today after Matthew Ian David Ringrose was found shortly before midnight on Monday at the home of his grandmother Connie, and grandfather Alfred, in Illingworth Drive, Illingworth, Halifax.

The boy, of Moor Top Gardens, Bradshaw, Halifax was taken to Calderdale Royal Hospital but later died.

A post-mortem examination had been carried out but further tests were being carried out. There are no suspicious circumstances.

My body went into shock, and I ran. Instead of running in the direction of my house, I just ran.... after running for what felt like eternity the pain was still there. I ran into my house and up the stairs were I collapsed in the bathroom with the pain. Tears streaming down my face, screaming that seemed as though it was coming from far away but later turned out to be the sound of my voice. I could not gasp for air. I did not want to gasp for air. There must be a mistake! There must be another Matthew Ian David Ringrose that lived at Moor Top Gardens. There must be. He wouldn't have the guts to do something like that. It can't be him. I know him, he wouldn't. I was texting him! He didn't say anything had upset him. He was happy. And then for the sudden realisation as my mum wrapped her arms around me.

It was him.

I texted him. But he didn't text back straight away. In fact he didn't text back at all....

My best friend had a moment of need, and I wasn't there. He died, yet I didn't feel a thing, there was no sign.

The rest of the day was agonising. I was supposed to meet my other best friend Cheyanne. We were going swimming. I didn't feel like I could go. But Cheyanne was somehow related to him. She'd need me now. But why hadn't she told me. I texted Holly, to see if she knew. If Cheyanne had mentioned anything. She did not know. Devastated.

I met Cheyanne. We Went swimming. I was not allow to show tears. Only laughter mum said. We laughed up until the point of crying. No, she must not know. Should I be the person to tell her?

I wasn't sure, but I knew her mum was the best person to tell her so I got her on the bus and took her home. But whilst waiting in the bus stop queue. I saw someone reading the article, then they asked there son if they knew who it was. The conversation was becoming too loud, I had to speak up, do something stupid to distract Cheyanne. So I pretended to fall hitting my head into the glass window. She laughed in hysterics. And that was enough of a distraction.

Her mum told her the news. The funeral was a week later.

We turned up 15 minutes early. But there was no room. We stood outside. I had not seen Cheyanne pass yet. But I saw groups of people from our school. The new head of year, Mrs Tank (who had many runnings with Matthew, yet once had let him choose the music for assembly and he chose Avril Lavigne - Anything but Ordinary. Typical this was him to a tee.) Mr Manning our D&T teacher. Matthew and I were partners in that lesson, and had constructed a bridge that held the most weight before the summer break and won a Mars Bar each. Looking around I saw everyone. And then I saw her. Cheyanne came running up to me. And we both burst into tears. We were crying so loudly that everyone turned to stare. We were looking at each other puffy eyes, runny noses. And then a classic I went to stand back and tripped. We both burst out laughing, crying too as we went. Laughing so hard our parents were concerned as it must have seemed like we were crying still. Then a snort. Which set off more laughter. This is what he would want. Typical prank. :)

Then we said our goodbyes as the coffin had arrived. As it passed, my tears stopped and Cheyanne and Family began to follow behind it. It was small.

Into the church now, yet outside on the grass and the pathways people were still stood. There was no room inside.

The music that played was again a typical Matthew prank. Full blast by accident came on Avril Lavinge- Sk8r Boi until someone jumped up to turn the music down. A smile escaped the corners of my mouth and as I looked around everyone else was smiling too.

Every year I visit his grave. I will never forget him. Or his dad.

Matthew always wanted me to meet his dad and hang out at the gym. I was always too busy. But it was the least I could do now. And we got on like a house on fire, just like Matt knew we would. We shared memories, looked at photo's, laughed together, cried together.

I will never forget you Matt. I have too many good memories. And I have you to thank for making me realise, life really is too short. And to put both my friends and family first.

R.I.P

Love Claire

x

p.s. It was later found out Matt did not hang himself. Just like I knew he wouldn't.

I was on holiday abroad when I read the following article in the Sun newspaper;

LAD KILLED BY ESCAPE STUNT

A schoolboy fascinated by escapology died accidentally after slipping a noose round his neck. Matthew Ringrose, 13, who used to experiment with knots, tied himself up with a dressing gown cord, an inquest heard. It got tighter as he wriggled and it strangled him.

His mum Janet Palfreyman told the hearing in her home to of Halifax, West Yorks, the lad had gone to stay with his grandma.

Janet got a call from her mother during the night to say he had locked himself in the bathroom.

She went to the house, broke down the bathroom door and found him dead. Verdict; ACCIDENT